


Erratic nostalgia

by shinso



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-12 11:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1185596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinso/pseuds/shinso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One problem led to another, but it didn't necessarily have to be the end... right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bailing

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna try something longer once again... this idea has been in my head since forever. Please enjoy and stay with me through it!

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm... sorry..._

He didn't want to hear it, yet it kept echoing in his head. Over and over and over again.

Haunting him.

He ran. He wanted to escape, he needed to get away. As far as possible. He had fate in his feet to carry him to a safe resting place. Where he could escape those words, where he could forget the face, that appeared in front of his eyes each time he as much as blinked.

How long had he run?

Was he being followed?

Once his lungs started to burn, tears started forming in his eyes.

He couldn't hold it in for much longer, he knew that, he would break down soon. But once he stopped, he felt like he'd be done for. It would eat him up. He needed to flee...

The realization came sooner, than he thought, though. He caught a glimpse of his face in a store's window and immediately came to a halt. He unconsciously took a step closer, getting a better look at his face. His eyes were red, yes, but the most prominent feature in his face right now was...

He had tried to keep it away, tried to fight it off, but in the end he knew exactly, what had happened. He was a fool for thinking that he could escape, that running away would do anything. Now he was just standing there letting the tears flow freely, while people passed by him, some giving him looks, others ignoring him. He didn't care, he didn't even notice them. 

Maybe it was all over.

"Hey."

He didn't immediately react when someone approached him. His thoughts were somewhere entirely different. But the person now right in front of him had no intention of leaving.

They kept standing in front of him like a statue of some sort. So they wanted attention? 

He blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the blur in his vision. Once he saw clearly again, he gaped at who exactly stood in front of him. He took a step back, only realizing now how shaky his legs were... and how far he'd run. Leave it to him to get to the outskirts of town without really realizing it. Well, he had probably unconsciously aimed to get here...

"Ah... haha, hello.", he scratched the back of his head sheepishly. He didn't even attempt to smile though. There was no way, that person wouldn't see right through him. They knew him too well.

"Hold onto this.", they said, pushing something into his hand and disappearing back into the store.

This shop... he hadn't realized it before, but he could almost laugh at the irony. He truly was a lucky idiot. Or perhaps you could say, he was an unlucky bastard. Whichever it was, it didn't matter.

He felt relieved for the first time that day, even if only a little bit.

The object between his hands, he noticed as he looked down, was a heart-shaped cushion. It was of a lime green colour and incredibly soft. 

Something he hadn't expected -- as usual.

Gripping it tightly and pressing it against his chest, he waited until the other returned. 

Once the other person was back outside, they came straight for him once more, pulling the cushion out of his grip with ease and replacing it with something else. He blinked a few times at the shiny, cool object, before putting it on his finger. A ring, a red one and pretty stylish at that. 

"How much was it?", he asked quickly, feeling a little uncomfortable with getting a random gift just because he had appeared and--

"Fate doesn't have a price.", the other simply said, taking a step up the street. "Now come."

A small, relieved sigh escaped him, as he remembered why that guy was his best friend.


	2. Illusory

Kise had always loved coming to Midorima’s place. It was clean, nicely decorated and smelt well. Upon entering, he almost forgot everything, that had happened not too long ago. 

Until he was led to the living room.

Until Midorima made him sit down on the comfy, pale brown couch and immediately started questioning him.

"So, why is your cheek swollen?", his eyes were as serious as ever, but Kise could tell that something else was present. Some emotion flickered in his eyes. Worry? Anger? Kise had no idea, but he felt bad for not being able to read Midorima as well as he could read Kise. "And why is your lip bleeding?"

"Well…", Kise started, but stopped. He didn't even weigh his opinions; lying wasn't an option. Even though he’s always been a good liar, the times it worked on Midorima were less than a handful.

"Well?", Midorima pushed on, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

There was no use in trying to lie, the odds were against Kise this time.

"Well, we fought.", Kise admitted, letting his head drop. True, he had fought with his boyfriend, it had started off as a small disagreement only, but…

"And he hit you?"

Kise flinched, turning his head away. He pulled his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly. Maybe that way, he wouldn't fall apart. "Yes."

"Did you hit him, too?", Midorima asked, uncrossing his arms.

"No.", Kise replied lowly, still not facing his best friend again.

Midorima nodded to himself, but decided not to ask any more questions about the fight, they'd had. Instead, he... should do what he could. "Does it hurt?"

"Nah.", Kise muttered. 

"I'll get some ice.", Midorima stood up and walked into the kitchen.

One could try to lie anyway, right?

\--

Cold. No, scratch that, freezing. He hated it -- if it didn't ease the pain in his cheek, he'd have thrown it across the room already. Kise remained silent, as his cheek was cooled, though. He wiped some of the blood away with his fingers, watching it thoughtfully. 

Even now, it still felt a bit surreal. It had definitely happened, he knew that, but...

"Kise."

He almost jumped, but supressed the reflex in the last second. It had been too quiet in here for too long, so hearing the silence being broken with his name threw him off. "Yes?"

"Does it feel better?", Midorima asked, lowering the ice bag a little.

"Mhm.", Kise nodded slightly, moving his head away from the cold. It felt better, much better. He could feel that the swelling had gone back. It barely even hurt any more...

...which made it seem more surreal.

"Midorimacchi...", Kise turned to face his best friend. He licked some of the dried blood on his lips away before continuing. "I don't want to go back today."

"You don't have to.", Midorima pushed his glasses up his nose. "You can stay over."

Kise could feel the exhaustion of today finally kicking in after hearing those words, so he lazily latched onto Midorima for support. "I'm scared. I'm so..."

"It's okay."

"I love you Midorimacchi."

"I know.", Midorima sighed, running a hand through the soft, blonde hair. "I know."

"When I wake up... will I realize this was a dream?"

"No."

It didn't matter. Because, in the end dreams never told you the truth, didn't they?


	3. Foreboding

It had to be a joke. All of this. A very crude, tasteless prank played on him.

Kise sat on the swings, while a few children occupied the other corner of the playground. He looked up at the late afternoon sky and wondered.

Was it his fault?

It had to be.

He lightly pushed himself back and forward without really noticing it.

His cellphone rang. He didn't answer. How could he? Even if he could remove his hands, who held the swings chains like lifelines, he was pretty sure he wouldn't bring anything out once he heard the voice on the other end. 

Damn it. If only he had kept a cool head over something so ridiculous earlier. If only he hadn't run away form his problems _again_. All of this wouldn't have happened. He could have prevented it. He could have done something-- he shouldn't have acted like a whiny little-- 

And yet there he was, still acting like one. He hated himself. For being so pathetic when right now, he should take responsibility. He shouldn't be here, he should be out there. Kise had to pick up the phone.

But would he really manage to do all this?

"Hey, you!", one of the kids shouted from the monkey bars. "Your phone has been ringing for a while now, do you know how to pick it up?"

Another one snickered next to him. "Don't talk to him, he looks like he has a few screws loose... look, he's glaring now! Let's run!"

Upon receiving a warning glance from Kise, they hurriedly fled the playground. It was probably time for them to go home already anyway.

The cellphone stopped ringing.

The evening air was chill. He shivered, before heaving himself up. He couldn't stay like this doing nothing. His regrets and thoughts wouldn't help either. He was probably useless right now, but maybe tomorrow...

"So that's where you were.", a familiar figure emerged at the entrance to the playground. Upon meeting Kise's gaze, they sighed and smiled lightly. "It's cold... Time to come home."

"Home?", Kise dared to ask.

"Yes. Home.", they urged him on.

Even if it was just a small drop of glue or something similar, Kise felt like he had just received something that could help keep him together for a little while longer.

\--

"He's not picking up?"

"Yeah... I'm worried..."

The worry was practically eating her up, but it felt soothing to have company in a dire situation like this one. She leant against the boy who had promised to stay by her side until this was solved. 

It was warm. It was something, she had longed for. For a good while, too. She just wished, the circumstances in which she finally got what she desired so much, would be less sorrowful.

"Still, he's never done this before... not this sudden and this long, at least. And... and..."

"It's okay. It'll be okay."

She wasn't alone.

"Thank you."


	4. Downturn

With the pain in his cheek, it felt like everything else was gone as well. The past few days, the last flicker of hope and his sanity seemed to have regrouped and left him.

"Yeah. I see. Oh? Alright. That's fine. Okay."

He heard Midorima talk to someone on the phone. It didn't sound like he had received any news -- good or bad. A few days ago, he had still thought, he would fall apart, but now he just felt hollow. There was nothing left to break. 

His attention wasn't exactly fixed on the cellphone despite never leaving it's display out of his eyes. No, he tried to remember the past few days, tried to not forget them. Tried to reach out and pull at least his sanity back to himself. 

It took him a few seconds to realize it, when Midorima sat down next to him and a few more, that the words he spoke were directed at him, not the phone he'd previously been occupied with.

"--they want to see you, so get changed.", Midorima finished what he was saying.

"What? Who wants to see me?", Kise raised an eyebrow, his gaze flickering between his best friend's face and the cellphone he clutched with both of his hands. "And why do I have to get changed?"

Midorima sighed. "You stink. Momoi and Kuroko are coming over, so get changed at least -- you haven't showered in days."

"Oh... right. Okay.", Kise grabbed the bag, that contained some of his clothes, from next to him and picked out some of them. He went to the bathroom to change and once he was done, sat right back where he had been sitting before. He never let go of his cellphone. 

His clothes had been sweaty and smelly indeed. But it hadn't bothered him -- it hadn't been important, so he just hadn't changed them. Since... two, three? Maybe four days? Right... he had worn them since the day, he went around town, checking all the streetball places and ending up next to the last one on a playground. 

At least he remembered as much, but with them gone now... how much longer would he?

A sweet scent filled his nose and successfully caught his attention. Tea had been prepared on the small coffee table in front of the couch, along with chocolate chip cookies. They looked delicious...

"Take one.", his best friend commanded. "Just one, though. It's improper to eat before every guest has arrived. But as you haven't eaten at all since yesterday, it's okay."

Kise followed that order, taking one of them and brought it to his lips. As soon, as it reached them, the desire to eat abandoned him. Nevertheless, he started nibbling at it. It didn't bring any relief to his stomach, but at least it tasted fine. 

They spent some time in silence, waiting for the guests that would arrive soon. Neither tried to break it, as there was just nothing to really talk about. One couldn't find the right words of consolation, the other struggled to find words of gratitude for everything the other had done for him those past days. Especially for letting him stay. There was no way, he could go back to that apartment he had shared with his boyfriend. 

The apartment... so close to the campus they were visiting. He'd eventually have to go back there. Hopefully _with_ his boyfriend. He wouldn't be able to stay there alone without losing his mind. 

Before he could start worrying any more about that, though, the door bell rang. Midorima got up to enter the door. 

The relief in tension that had been thick in the air was welcomed by both of them.

It didn't take more than two minutes until another kind of heavy atmosphere filled the room though. Kuroko and Momoi sat across of them, none of them dared to touch the tea or cookies. Momoi's eyes were red -- you could tell she had been crying not too long ago. Her face was pale and she looked pretty worn out. Not that Kise looked much different, probably, but he still felt guilty upon seeing her like this. 

Guilty for probably causing this.

Guilty for moping around, while she did all she could.

Guilty for...

"See, we were at the police station just now...", Kuroko started, eyeing the tea cup in front of him. "But it's hard to be taken seriously, seeing as we're not his parents or related to him at all."

"And since his parents are... abroad... the police probably won't help look for him...", Momoi stared at her lap, her voice but a low whisper. "I... just don't know any more. I'm not close to his parents either, so..."

"I don't really think there's anything more we can do but wait.", Midorima spoke up after a little while. "Wait until his parents come home. We searched as much as we could on our own. And we need to stay positive, even now -- he might show up any second. It's very much possible he just did something stupid and--"

"Even if he can be an idiot sometimes, he wouldn't do that!", Momoi raised her voice, a frantic look in her eyes. "He… wouldn't… right?"

"I agree. He wouldn’t.", Kuroko threw in. "He’s not that kind of person."

"What if, though… what if something…", Kise stopped himself mid-sentence and shuddered. What if his boyfriend had done something stupid again and gotten into trouble? What if something had happened to him? What if— he was… stupid enough… maybe…

No, no no no no. He wouldn’t. No, he really wouldn’t.

He couldn’t.

Kise felt guilty again, once he saw how much his words had brought down Momoi once more— Kuroko held her, patting her back while throwing a judging gaze towards him. He should have kept his mouth, but… at the same time, he wished his boyfriend was there to hold him as well. He could really need it, even though he knew it was a selfish desire.

They left soon after, resulting in a worse mood than before. And all thanks to him — great job. He just wanted to curl up and disappear for a while. He wanted all of this to be over, wanted to sleep next to his boyfriend again, with his warm body wrapped around him and his loud snores filling the room. 

Hopefully soon.

Kise felt exhausted. Sleepy. He didn’t complain when someone sat down on his other side and pulled him into a light embrace. He didn’t think twice about leaning onto them. It wasn’t as warm as his boyfriend’s hugs were, but… Takao’s thin fingers running through his hair were quite comforting as well. 

Maybe he would just sleep for now. Close his eyes and drift away… when he woke up, Aomine would surely be back with him…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so much fun to write this -- I hope it's also fun to read. :) I can't wait to finish my first longer work.


	5. (Don't) look back

The only noticable changes after waking up were his stiff neck and his aching belly though. No sign of Aomine, whatsoever— but what had he expected? He was foolish for thinking everything would be good again after passing out. He couldn’t still play this off as a dream. He should face it — Aomine had really disappeared. The very day they had fought and he had hit Kise was the last time anyone had ever seen him.

Until his parents returned, the police wouldn’t look for him. All of them had already searched Aomine’s favourite places and all the street basketball places in town. But no matter how much they searched, they couldn't find as much as a single trace of him.

Kise couldn't bring himself to go back to the flat, he'd shared with Aomine, not even a week or a month after the incident. He hated himself for being a parasite and living at Midorima's all this time. He didn't want to go back to his parents' house, they were busy with their own things after all.

And staying with his best friend brought comfort. Even if it put some strain on his relationship with Takao. Even if he had to get up earlier to catch the bus and reach school in time.

He hated himself for being so weak.

Two months and a few days after it had happened, his parents returned and learnt of it, but even though they did get the police involved, nothing really changed. They did find some clues about it, but most turned out useless. 

Kise still felt troubled -- it felt like a hole had opened in the ground and swallowed up Aomine. Just like that. 

That couldn't be, though. But what else could it be? As long as there was no explanation to his disappearance, Kise couldn't come to peace with himself. With the situation. With the gap left in his life from it.

He still made two cups of coffee each morning after he got up. He went back to the guest room, that had turned into a bed room for him, after the coffee was done, but no one was present to be waken up. Yet, he repeated he same procedure each day -- out of sheer habit.

Hopefully one day it'd stop. Hopefully the gap would be filled, or disappear, or whatever-- he was tired of it. 

At the same time, though, he wanted it to stay. He was scared of forgetting Aomine, once he got used to him not being around any more. He wanted, needed to remember him. 

He had to do everything to remember his boyfriend... ex-boyfriend? No, not ex... his past boyfriend? But he could still be out there... he didn't have to be dead... right?

Kise dribbled the basketball, then made a shoot. 

He missed.


	6. Reminiscence

The months passed quickly after that and slowly all of it turned into a sort of distant memory. He couldn't believe, that it still didn't feel real after all this time. It was like a dream -- all of it. Something, that was continuously getting further away from him, that was getting harder to remember with each day. 

It felt like not only that day and the events hadn't ever really happened, but also that Aomine had never really existed and that the time they had spent together had only happened in his imagination.

The only thing that reminded him of Aomine's existence at this point was basketball. Basketball had brought them together -- he only knew how to play basketball because he wanted to beat that arrogant and, at least at that time, sweet basketball lover.

He remembered each defeat clearly. The few victories were also still fresh in his mind. As if all of them had happened just a few hours ago. 

It was... had been fun to play basketball together. He had made so many friends there, that he was still in contact with. The guys from Kaijou, from Teikou and some others, too-- he was incredibly thankful. 

But Aomine had always meant the most to him. He was the one, Kise had felt the strongest about. He wanted to play with him. Play, until his fingers bled and his mind turned blank. Play... until he defeated him -- and even then, he didn't want to stop. 

He was just so damn cool. On the court more so than off the court. Once he was out of his basketball uniform, he turned into the lazy, sometimes good for nothing, jerk who would nap away on rooftops while looking at gravure magazines. He ate a lot and was stubborn. Always found a way to cause trouble or get into some. He had loved water ice to death back then... he had also been cheeky, but...

But of course he had fallen for Aomine for many more reasons than that. 

Kise had never really been able to read Aomine, so it had come as a surprise that he had said yes, after Kise had mustered up the courage to confess his feelings for the other. Just yes, he hadn't said anything more or less, back then at least, but from that day on they had slowly started dating. Kise had expected to be laughed at, to receive a raised eyebrow, to not be taken seriously or to be rejected, but not a _yes_. He had always thought Aomine to be completely straight, to only like girls... with big boobs, probably. And long hair. 

It had been awkward at first, there had been bickering and some bigger fights, but they learnt. Kept trying, didn't give up on their small 'relationship', until it turned into something real and strong. Until they decided to go to the same college and rented a flat close to it, getting by with part-time jobs and money, their parents sent them. Until they slept next to each other, had breakfast in bed each Sunday and lazed around together each free second.

Until they started really feeling more than just attraction for each other. Each day had been blissful and happy. There hadn't been any more, either of them had wished for. 

Of course fights and the like had still occurred, but... never anything serious, until that day...

And now it was all over. He had disappeared. Even after all these months, Kise couldn't bring himself to get any closer than ten meters to the flat, they had once shared. Just looking at it made him feel like crying his heart out, because it looked so... lifeless... there was no light on, no one had picked up the newspaper for... god knows, how long. The electricity and water service probably shut off the supply too. The only thing, he had kept on doing, was paying the rent. His -- and Aomine's things were still in there. Behind the drawn curtains of the front windows. The breakfast, he'd made then... Aomine had probably eaten all of it, before he had stepped outside. Well, hopefully. 

The days, before he eventually had to go in there passed by quickly. Soon, he'd have to pack up and leave. Summer vacation was approaching in big steps. 

One evening, a few weeks before summer break, he was standing in front of the flat, like he had been so many times before. Trying to force his feet to carry him to the front door.

But they just wouldn't. They didn't move a single inch, just like always.

It didn't feel right to do so, but maybe he would ask someone get the stuff for him after all...


End file.
